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Day 211 – I had someone insist that I defend my choice for president the other day. I resisted the temptation of taking the bait. Instead I explained I am under NO obligation whatsoever to answer that question. I do not have to defend anything to anyone, unless you are paying my bills – and even then – I doubt I could find to “eff’s” to give. EVER.

I like to leave politics out of just about anything now, since my coach, Bill Cortright suggested I give it a break. I’m listening to music I enjoy instead. I like it. It doesn’t stress me out. Music elicits memories that are typically good. Often marking milestones in my life that matter, perhaps only to me. My “first kiss” song, sung by Bachman Turner Overdrive. My teen angst singer songwriters, (Dan Hill, Dan Fogelberg, Boz Scaggs, David Bowie), my wedding song, “Caught Up In The Rapture” by Anita Baker, and of course an entire repertoire of dinosaur related songs acquired while having my children.

There are a few, however, that easily elicit really painful memories, like “Unwritten” by Natasha Bedingfield. As my beloved niece lay in a coma and we fought with all our might and love to save her, this song played incessantly. Even as I stood on a San Fransisco corner at 4 am, freezing with nowhere to go after sleeping in the ICU for days and no cabs to catch to find a bed, a solitary car drove by and this song was blaring. Seriously? I needed that?

That entire episode, losing my niece, nearly killed me. I hear that song now, almost 10 years later, and I can barely breathe. It is physically painful to a point where I have to change the station when “those songs” play.

Ironic how music is also my salvation.

When my oldest son was 3 he asked, “Mommy…do you know what music is?” I replied with an astonished “No.” Flabbergasted by with question alone. His answer? “Music is what your heart sounds like when it’s happy.” And it is so true. I also think music is honest and truthful because it comes from the heart.

I am on this journey to find more peace, freedom and happiness in my life. I don’t have to defend it at all. I just think music may end up leading the way for me. Harry Connick, Jr., Andrea Bocelli, and Frank Sinatra here I come…

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