#fattofabover50 #choices

It always is a choice.

Today marks the beginning of my second year on this life affirming, life reinvention journey. So many wonderful things have happened along the way. So many brutal realities faced. I’ve discovered. I am. In short. My own worst enemy.

It’s been several months since I clocked some serious blogging time. For 472 days in a row – straight – without fail – I chronicled my quest to lose weight, reclaim my life and a create better version of myself. Loads of self reflection and self doubt ensued. I enjoyed it. At first. Then. I grew weary of having it “all out there” and unwittingly found myself feeling like an imposter.

I lost over 65lbs…then as life got better the pressure got greater. When my coach, Bill Cortright would tell me about how he lost 100 lbs three times on his journey – I laughed. Now I’m not.

My weight is fluctuating and has become less important than draining the toxic thoughts in my head. Allowing myself to get overwhelmed by things outside my control. And the choices I face every day. Water? Wine? Without the benefit of Jesus turning it from one to the other. (I think that joke only makes sense to me.)

There is no magic bullet. I passed my year goal mark to lose 100lbs. And didn’t. I’m definitely happier and the self actualization work is working like a muther-effin charm, but my weight continues to be an issue.

I chose to transition my writing from the blog to a book over the last several months. I’d shared the unedited version with a couple of people, asking for feedback. But when they never got back to me. My confidence stumbled. Was it that bad? My goal is to help others faced with mid-life and the consequences of our life choices as we face our own mortality. At the same time I chose to put the full force of my energy towards finishing a 10 year quest for a new kitchen and whole home renovation. I even wrote a chapter in my book called “The Tao of My Kitchen.”

Mercifully. Mission accomplished. I made my first meal in said kitchen a week ago on Thanksgiving. Since Thanksgiving morning I didn’t even know how to turn on the appliances, I’d say it was a risky proposition! Thank god people lived. But in the end…something’s gotta give. And again. I chose me. Not always the best choice as I’ve learned. There are consequences.

So…slowly I continue to climb. Back. Forwards. Backwards. Happier. For sure. (Thank you #livingrightwithbillcortright.) Persevering. Back blogging. Not every day…but loving the connection to my higher self and you.

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